Lisa Luminaire

Intuitive Advisor, Healer and Shadow Alchemist

People Will Treat You How You Let Them Treat You

I remember when I was in my early 20s, thinking about how people don’t actually make us feel anything.  

How we feel is all our own doing, it’s all our own choice.  We choose to react to something someone said or did.  If you feel bad, you chose to feel that way.

Heavy and uncomfortable realisation for some.

But bare with me here.  This is important.

You may argue that someone intended to hurt you or make you feel bad, and while that may be true, there is always, always, a split second moment where you consciously or subconsciously decide, or rather, choose, how you will feel in response to their intended actions.

For every action, there is a reaction.  Your reaction is up to you, regardless of the action’s intent.

If someone says something hurtful to you, you can choose to let it hurt you, or you can choose not to take it on, let it go.  If you understand that someone saying something hurtful to you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, it becomes a whole lot easier to let those hurtful comments bounce off you.

The stronger you become and the more you love and support yourself and think yourself a pretty awesome person, it becomes even easier to let those comments bounce off you.

One of the reasons we choose to feel hurt by hurtful comments or actions is because sometimes we believe we deserve them for some reason, or we don’t yet understand that we don’t deserve them.

Understanding that we have control over how we feel about other people’s words and actions gives us power and helps us learn what we will and won’t stand for or take personally.

Knowing this helps us to know what kind of behaviour we will or won’t accept from others.  If you don’t like the way other people treat you, you can change it.

Again, you choose what sort of behaviour you like or don’t like and if you don’t like it, don’t allow it.  That means being strong enough to say out loud to that person that you don’t appreciate the way they are speaking to you or treating you, or avoiding situations and people who cause these situations.

You don’t have to allow people to mistreat you.  And you don’t have to feel guilty about standing your ground.  You cannot live your whole life pleasing everyone else but yourself.  It makes you miserable and other people take advantage of you.

This doesn’t mean you have to become a cold hearted person, it just means that you set boundaries, you allow behaviour that supports you and helps you to grow and be the best you can be and you don’t allow behaviour and people who do the opposite of that.

We are raised to “be nice” all too often to our own detriment.  I guarantee you that people will show you a lot more respect when you respect yourself enough to stand your ground about what type of behaviour you will or wont allow and if they don’t, they shouldn’t be in your life.

Being strong enough to stand your ground comes from feeling like you deserve it, knowing that you deserve to be treated right, and feeling like you deserve the best treatment all boils down to your own opinion of yourself. 

If your own opinion of you is low, other people’s opinion of you will be also.

Thinking highly of yourself is allowed and anyone trying to tell you different are afraid of others being their full selves because they haven’t quite figured out how to do it themselves.

Show them.

* this post was originally posted to my old blog in 2011

*image is by akunohako